When Michael was a little under a year old he fell down the stairs to the basement. I managed to catch him midway, luckily, before he hit the cement floor below. He cried as I held him and called the doctor, then stopped crying and was fine. The nurse on call asked me questions about his reaction, his pupils, how he seemed. She deduced he would be okay and told me what to look out for over the next few hours. As usual, Michael was playing happily quickly thereafter and I never worried during his nap time. Almost 10 years later, and as memories fade from my mind, I will never forget that feeling of watching him fall down the stairs... the way time slowly froze frame by frame as his body bounced down the stairs. The feeling of helplessness and the wave of grief thinking he could die if he hit his head just so or cracked his neck. Almost 10 years later, and I can instantly recall that pit in my stomach.
Today I had it again. I was holding Brady, walking into the school for swimming with OT, when I stepped off the curb and fell. In the nanoseconds of going down, I was mindful of holding this little cherub in my left arm. I instantly tightened my grip and slowly watched the back of his head hit the pavement. It happened in such slow motion, I can't believe I couldn't stop it. He instantly started to cry, which relieved me immensely because this child never seems to cry when he should be hurt, I think. I was still on the ground trying to pick him up and waving to the grounds crew cleaning the leaves. One of the men waves back - and not until a few minutes later realize that I need help. One of the crew comes over and offers to bring me to the first aid station, but I pick Brady up and run inside to where the OT and lifeguard are. Tara, his OT, is looking at me, wondering what is wrong and jumps out of the pool. I am hysterical, although I was the only one - Brady is not crying anymore and is looking around, his face searching for the reason why he is not in the pool yet. Tara takes him and I start to calm down, and realize I am in pain. They send for a nurse, who examines Brady and says he looks fine - he got a couple prickly red spots and was starting to get a bump on the back of his head, but that was it. Of course, she checks my elbow and thinks I may need stitches, but after she. cleans it she states I could probably get away with not getting them. As the day goes on, I realize that my leg is scraped up pretty bad, my right hand has serious road burn on it, and my left elbow is allowing me no strength whatsoever - I am not even able to carry Brady to the car.
I called the pediatrician and told them I was coming right over since I was only a few minutes away. Of course, now Brady is getting cranky because not only did he not get to go swimming (which he loves) but now he is getting tired. Luckily, the doctor thought he was fine, told me what to look out for, and sent us on our way. Brady is fine. I, of course, am a mess. Physically my arm is killing me, and mentally I am exhausted over my petrified moment. Just like with Michael, all I could think of was Brady jumbling his brain. Someone my husband knows is in a coma right now after being punched in a fight and hitting the ground, so of course this is all I could think about.
Strangely enough, I have been concerned for awhile now that I would fall holding Brady. A premonition or have I been preoccupied with the thought that I caused it? Very strange. All I know is that once again, that pit in my stomach is there. That feeling of helplessness and despair, so overpowering that nothing can erase its memory. Yes, the angel sleeps now peacefully, as I go and watch him for a few minutes ....
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Ho Ho Ho
Tis the season to be jolly...although jolly isn't quite the word I would use to describe Brady here - he was a little perplexed as to what this thing was on his nose. Five seconds later it was off, so you are quite lucky to be seeing this picture at all.
We are in Christmas season mode over here -we put the tree up over the weekend and are slowly unloading our holiday decorations all over the house. The Christmas shopping is getting done, our cookie-making day is set, and I am thisclose to ordering my Christmas cards. We have been going on warped speed over here - between Cub Scout activities, therapy appointments and whatnot, the calendar is filled to the brim. I am making it a priority to downgrade a bit and have some just chillin' out time.
One of our nights consisted of going to my (gasp) 20-year high school reunion. I had hooked up with some girlfriends I hadn't seen in awhile the week before, so I was lukewarm about attending. Glad I ignored myself - it was a blast! We all kept saying, "Wow! You haven't changed at all!" and of course, dear husband later on pointed out that we really were pretty old :). It was interesting to say the least, and as the night went on, you can see the little cliques begin to form again. I suddenly felt like I was back in that big school again. I still had no patience for some of the obnoxious boys and the fake smiles of the plastic girls. My girlfriends and I went around and talked to everyone, and I was able to hook up again with a few old friends again, so that was great. It's amazing how no matter what time has passed and how different your life becomes... some things just don't change. I looked around the room at these people, most who knew me from when we moved here when I was 11.
This weekend we met up with Coleman and his family. Coleman just turned a year and has WS. He has had numerous health issues over the past year, but he is such a little ham and was all over the place on Sunday. He is crawling and pulling himself up on the furniture, and giving us big smiles at every turn. It was so cute - at one point he did a scrunched-up smiley face and started waving his hands around and one minute later Brady did the same thing sitting right next to him. It is always comforting to see the similarities with these kids; how the parents know what you are going through. We will hopefully gather together often, as they are only half an hour away.All right - I am posting this because I have been trying to add to it all day and I have not gotten any further. Tomorrow I will tell y'all one HECK of a story....
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Howdy!
YAAAAWWWNNNNN... oh!... here I am!
That was a nice week nap of blogging I took! When you do the 100-mile dash of everyday posting for 31 days, sometimes you just need a little snooze alarm. Not that there was anything y'all were missing... it's been pretty quiet over on this front. We did Brady's two-year-old pictures, which came out adorable. I did notice that there was NO difference in his one-year-old and two-year-old pictures -- except his hair was longer. The rest of his face looked exactly the same, chubby cheeks and all.
Last Thursday we got a call from Children's Hospital asking us if we would like to move up our January appointment in Neurology to Friday. This was a first time visit recommended to us by Brady's geneticist. She felt because of his delays he should see someone there to rule out anything other than Williams. Plus, both the geneticist and Dr. Mervis in Kentucky felt he was still exhibiting some baby behavior that he should have outgrown by now, not typical of WS.
So, we trekked in, was seen 20 minutes late by a resident who examined Brady then reported his findings to his "supervisor". The resident was clueless about WS, admittedly so, which immediately made me feel concerned. I do appreciate his willingness to admit he knew nothing about WS, but how can he properly examine this child when he doesn't realize what is "typical" for WS and what isn't? He did spend a lot of time with him, and a lot of time discussing with his boss, then they both came in and clarified a few more things. I felt a bit better at that point.
They determined that his delays seemed typical of WS. One thing that he still has not outgrown from his baby stage is his flapping of the arms when he gets excited. He used to do it a lot more, for a lot of reasons, but it has definitely decreased. The doctor felt that since he is only two, his behavior has not regressed, and he seems to be "growing out" of the stage, they are not concerned. If he was four and doing that, it would be a different story. They did order a blood test to check his thyroid, since it hasn't been checked before, and an MRI to check for anything they are missing. Basically, all good news; not jumping for joy over the docs, but I know it could be worse :)
On another good note, I ran out of Enfamil last week, so I've been giving Brady half Calicilo, half whole milk for his bottle, on top of yogurt and ice cream. We had his calcium level checked and it has not gone up! He is at 10.3, normal is 8.5 to 10.5. Yeah! I am going to keep his bottle like this until we see the nutritionist in the beginning of December, then I will probably stop the Calicilo. It is covered under insurance, so it doesn't really matter. I am really trying to get him moving on the food ~ taking it, chewing it - ANYTHING! Michael gets nervous when he sees Brady gagging when there is food in the middle of his tongue - -we're all yelling, "Just move it, Brady! You can do it!" His little cheerleader section :)
That was a nice week nap of blogging I took! When you do the 100-mile dash of everyday posting for 31 days, sometimes you just need a little snooze alarm. Not that there was anything y'all were missing... it's been pretty quiet over on this front. We did Brady's two-year-old pictures, which came out adorable. I did notice that there was NO difference in his one-year-old and two-year-old pictures -- except his hair was longer. The rest of his face looked exactly the same, chubby cheeks and all.
Last Thursday we got a call from Children's Hospital asking us if we would like to move up our January appointment in Neurology to Friday. This was a first time visit recommended to us by Brady's geneticist. She felt because of his delays he should see someone there to rule out anything other than Williams. Plus, both the geneticist and Dr. Mervis in Kentucky felt he was still exhibiting some baby behavior that he should have outgrown by now, not typical of WS.
So, we trekked in, was seen 20 minutes late by a resident who examined Brady then reported his findings to his "supervisor". The resident was clueless about WS, admittedly so, which immediately made me feel concerned. I do appreciate his willingness to admit he knew nothing about WS, but how can he properly examine this child when he doesn't realize what is "typical" for WS and what isn't? He did spend a lot of time with him, and a lot of time discussing with his boss, then they both came in and clarified a few more things. I felt a bit better at that point.
They determined that his delays seemed typical of WS. One thing that he still has not outgrown from his baby stage is his flapping of the arms when he gets excited. He used to do it a lot more, for a lot of reasons, but it has definitely decreased. The doctor felt that since he is only two, his behavior has not regressed, and he seems to be "growing out" of the stage, they are not concerned. If he was four and doing that, it would be a different story. They did order a blood test to check his thyroid, since it hasn't been checked before, and an MRI to check for anything they are missing. Basically, all good news; not jumping for joy over the docs, but I know it could be worse :)
On another good note, I ran out of Enfamil last week, so I've been giving Brady half Calicilo, half whole milk for his bottle, on top of yogurt and ice cream. We had his calcium level checked and it has not gone up! He is at 10.3, normal is 8.5 to 10.5. Yeah! I am going to keep his bottle like this until we see the nutritionist in the beginning of December, then I will probably stop the Calicilo. It is covered under insurance, so it doesn't really matter. I am really trying to get him moving on the food ~ taking it, chewing it - ANYTHING! Michael gets nervous when he sees Brady gagging when there is food in the middle of his tongue - -we're all yelling, "Just move it, Brady! You can do it!" His little cheerleader section :)
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Joy
Here I am, the day before my last entry in the "31 for 21" challenge. The challenge was to blog every day for the month of October, which was Down Syndrome Awareness month. It has been hard - even though I talk a lot, finding something newsworthy and/or interesting every day to blog about was difficult. I found that there were days I was a lot more negative than I usually am regarding Williams Syndrome. Was I just trying to find a topic? I actually think that was the case. I definitely have my days where the world is bleak, but they pass, and I move on. This month I captured them and kept them alive. Didn't mean I didn't have them, but I think I widen the spotlight, sustained it. Here's the truth... and I will swear to it: Brady brings me joy. His every obstacle and hurdle that he leaps over, his scrunched up face that breaks into a smile that I waited for for 14 months, every happy dance I do when he eats the whole container of yogurt... simple and serious, he brings me joy. Does it break my heart he struggles to learn to sit up? Yes. But then he accomplishes that task and my heart bursts with joy. Does it break my heart when I feel we're left out of children's activities because he hasn't developed? Yes. But then today we spent the afternoon with Clare, 2 w/WS, and we make plans to visit Tatum in January :):), and we don't feel alone. Especially when we gets hugs from Clare, and Jamie to boot! Does my stomach tighten when we need to go to the cardiologist, the geneticist, the xxx-ist? Yes. But then I remember we live in 2007, with revolutionary treatments, medicines and therapies.
There's a cloud. There's a silver lining. The trick is to remember that all clouds have them.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Ok -Teresa started it, Kati followed suit, so now I will join the herd. A little info about me, author of the blog.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:45 a.m.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Hmmm... not a jewelry person, but diamonds are my birthstone!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Michael Clayton... very good! George Clooney is delicious!
4.. What is your favorite TV show? House, The Office, Criminal Minds (...and How I Met Your Mother)
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Been on a cereal kick lately - today, Corn Pops!
6. What kind of soap do you use? Dial
7. What is your middle name? Grace
8. What food do you dislike? Olives & Guacamole
9. What is your favorite food? Bread ~ Which is why I joined Weight Watchers!
10. What kind of car do you drive? Toyota Camry
11. Favorite sandwich? BLT or anything from Panera
12. What characteristic do you despise? Selfishness
13. Favorite item of clothing? Pajamas - comfy clothes!
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Without kids - a beach, like in Aruba. With kids- Grand Canyon
15. What color is your bathroom? Mint green and white
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Old Navy/Gap... and one day, Express
17. Where would you retire to? where my family is, wherever that may be
18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Nothing too exciting since I turned 30 and my husband threw a party for me
19. When is your birthday? April 17
20. What is your favorite scent? White Shoulders
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night person
22. What is your shoe size? 9.5
23. Pets? Our cat died last February... we may be getting a new pet soon....
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Brady is on the verge of something BIG, but I'm not sure yet what that is
25. What did you want to be when you were little? writer
26. How are you today? Inspired! Organized all my clothes :)
27. What is your favorite candy? I'd take a Hershey's bar with Almonds
28. What is your favorite flower? Tulips and Carnations, not necessarily together
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? November 9 - Ange and I are going out for a night on the town! LOL
30. What church do you attend? Saint Theresa's
31. What are you listening to right now? TV is on upstairs and I am sure Tom is sleeping in front of it
32. What was the last thing you ate? Pork chop and applesauce (ain't that swell!)
33. Do you wish on stars? no
34. If you were a Crayola crayon, what color would you be? blue
35. How is the weather right now? Cold- turned on the heat!
36. Last person you spoke to on the phone? The other Kerry
37. What is your favorite soft drink? Pepsi!!!!!
38. Favorite restaurant? We're so lame.... Chelo's, a family restaurant
39. Hair Color? Brunette or Auburn, depending on my mood :)
40. Siblings? one brother, one sister
41. Favorite day of the year? Christmas
42. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies
43. Summer or winter? winter
44. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
45. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
46. When was the last time you cried? A few minutes ago reading some WS mommy blogs!
47. What is under your bed? Dust bunnies and my aunt's old suitcase
48. What friend have you had the longest? Michelle - from 6th grade!!
49. What did you do last night? Watched the Red Sox WIN the World Series!!!
50. Favorite room in your house? family room
51. What are you afraid of? my children being hurt or death of my parents
52. Popcorn salted? buttered? Yes!
53. Favorite sport to watch? football and baseball
54. Favorite sport or activity to participate in? softball or volleyball
1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:45 a.m.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Hmmm... not a jewelry person, but diamonds are my birthstone!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Michael Clayton... very good! George Clooney is delicious!
4.. What is your favorite TV show? House, The Office, Criminal Minds (...and How I Met Your Mother)
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Been on a cereal kick lately - today, Corn Pops!
6. What kind of soap do you use? Dial
7. What is your middle name? Grace
8. What food do you dislike? Olives & Guacamole
9. What is your favorite food? Bread ~ Which is why I joined Weight Watchers!
10. What kind of car do you drive? Toyota Camry
11. Favorite sandwich? BLT or anything from Panera
12. What characteristic do you despise? Selfishness
13. Favorite item of clothing? Pajamas - comfy clothes!
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Without kids - a beach, like in Aruba. With kids- Grand Canyon
15. What color is your bathroom? Mint green and white
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Old Navy/Gap... and one day, Express
17. Where would you retire to? where my family is, wherever that may be
18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Nothing too exciting since I turned 30 and my husband threw a party for me
19. When is your birthday? April 17
20. What is your favorite scent? White Shoulders
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night person
22. What is your shoe size? 9.5
23. Pets? Our cat died last February... we may be getting a new pet soon....
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Brady is on the verge of something BIG, but I'm not sure yet what that is
25. What did you want to be when you were little? writer
26. How are you today? Inspired! Organized all my clothes :)
27. What is your favorite candy? I'd take a Hershey's bar with Almonds
28. What is your favorite flower? Tulips and Carnations, not necessarily together
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? November 9 - Ange and I are going out for a night on the town! LOL
30. What church do you attend? Saint Theresa's
31. What are you listening to right now? TV is on upstairs and I am sure Tom is sleeping in front of it
32. What was the last thing you ate? Pork chop and applesauce (ain't that swell!)
33. Do you wish on stars? no
34. If you were a Crayola crayon, what color would you be? blue
35. How is the weather right now? Cold- turned on the heat!
36. Last person you spoke to on the phone? The other Kerry
37. What is your favorite soft drink? Pepsi!!!!!
38. Favorite restaurant? We're so lame.... Chelo's, a family restaurant
39. Hair Color? Brunette or Auburn, depending on my mood :)
40. Siblings? one brother, one sister
41. Favorite day of the year? Christmas
42. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies
43. Summer or winter? winter
44. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
45. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
46. When was the last time you cried? A few minutes ago reading some WS mommy blogs!
47. What is under your bed? Dust bunnies and my aunt's old suitcase
48. What friend have you had the longest? Michelle - from 6th grade!!
49. What did you do last night? Watched the Red Sox WIN the World Series!!!
50. Favorite room in your house? family room
51. What are you afraid of? my children being hurt or death of my parents
52. Popcorn salted? buttered? Yes!
53. Favorite sport to watch? football and baseball
54. Favorite sport or activity to participate in? softball or volleyball
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