Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I have a confession to make: having a special needs child has made me less tolerant over stupid problems. The issue lies in what I consider a "stupid problem". I have actually gained more patience in general ("Is it really that important for you to be so upset?") but I am finding there is very little out there that I consider a major problem to be unnerved about. I am not comparing our shortcomings to someone else's -- just putting everything into perspective has made me realize that some things are not as bad as they could be.

It is a problem, really. I am realizing I have less and less sympathy for people who's major problems look like they belong in high school ("Are you mad at me?"), or problems that are easily avoidable ("Ummm... maybe you shouldn't have started dating a married man.") or problems that are blown out of proportion ("Yeah... a hangnail is a very serious condition for you to call in to work.")

Am I becoming a bad friend? Sometimes I feign sympathy because I don't have the guts to tell someone I don't agree with their thought process. And sometimes I know that's really all friends need to do -- just be a sounding board for people so they can figure out their problems themselves. I am sure I have bored a friend or two with things they didn't think were so important. But I am wondering if I will ever go back to having that non-judgemental ear.

Sometimes the most important problem for you is a minor one: sometimes you just need the simplest of things go right because everything else sucks. For example, your computer breaking down isn't the worst thing in the world, but it can be that last little thing to drive you over the edge. ("Look at everything in my life -- can't AT LEAST my computer work?????") I hear that~ it happens. And God knows I've been there. I have to remind myself to keep in check.

Who knows -- maybe it isn't because of Brady that I feel this way. Maybe I would've felt this way anyway since I am (gulp) getting older and less tolerant. I do look forward to that glorious senior citizen age where you can tell everyone exactly what's on your mind and people just expect it. Maybe I'll become more understanding by then.

8 comments:

Laura said...

I have to admit, I have the same feelings and I know my attitude change is due to having Michaela and her issues. I'm not sure if it's so much a tolerance thing, but a realization of what's truly important and what's worthy of the energy it takes to have a nutty over.

Kerry said...

Laura - you said exactly what I eman in a much nicer way :) Thank you!

Amy said...

I was thinking that same thing the other day and I didn't know if I was evil and uncompassionate, or if like you I have just learned how to put the world into perspective due to my situation (and those of my fellow bloggers). I have grown up, learned to value the little things and to take nothing for granted. And to deal with the issue instead of complain or avoid. And know that even the worst sounding things are not the end of the world! As someone recently said to me, we all must just deal with the hand we have been dealt. And then this person said to me, "and you of all people know that the best, Amy." It was menat to be a compliant to how I go about my life day-to-day. Head-long, without pity. Continue to be brave and compassionate, and a wonderful mom to your kids.
XOXO
Amy
XOXO

Amy said...

Opps, typo, a complement not a compliant!

Heather said...

I know what you mean Kerry, and even though my issues and problems are minimal compared to some, I still feel like I don't have time or energy to worry about the petty problems of the daily life of people around me. Wow that was a run on sentence! I don't have the tolerance anymore. I don't talk much about my issues with my friends, because they don't get the full extent. So glad for these blogs, I tell ya!

Every minute counts.... said...

can't say much more than what the rest have said ...TOTALLY agree here too!

I have no tolerance for small "high-school" issues or people complaining about stuff that really is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Noel

Katie said...

A pregnant lady said to me recently that she was worried her soon to be born daughter wouldnt have her blonde hair but would instead it would be her destiny to carry the horrendous burden of her husbands red hair.
Sigh.......

lebenland said...

Kerry, thanks for the reality check! I have been checking in on you often to read about Brady's progress. I admit to being guilty of sweating the small stuff sometimes, but your post today will make me think twice about that! Looking forward to seeing you at the reunion. You are going...right???